The Glory and Necessity of Self-Control
Written by Martha Harding | Director of Grace Women
“First, do no harm.” You might recognize this as part of the Hippocratic Oath that doctors must take, but it’s an ethic that could easily be applied to all sorts of professions, not the least of which is the Church. In recent memory, names like Mark Driscoll and Ravi Zacharias have almost become a kind of shorthand for toxic leadership. Sadly, they represent many others who have sullied the image of Christ in the eyes of the watching world and caused untold pain to those under their authority. The thing is: these leaders certainly didn’t plan to become abusers when they started out. So what happened? And whatever it was, are we immune if we’re not in church leadership?
Well, first, the fact that we are human means we are, by nature, capable of any sin. Second, although the vast majority of us are not pastors or elders, most of us are leaders in the sense that we have influence over others. In fact, Christ commands that of us. In Matthew 28:18-20, just before Jesus ascends to heaven, He charges His followers to take the gospel into their world to “make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.” The Lord assures His disciples, and us, that the authority we are to wield is His and that He is with us as we obey this commission.
“So according to Jesus, you are a leader because you have a sphere of influence over others, and He wants you to use that influence in ways that contribute to making disciples for Him. That’s good news!”
It’s also heavy news – as a leader, you can be tempted by pride and the desire to control, to which many others have succumbed. So how do you lead in a way that honors Christ?
As with all things in the Christian life, we need to make sure that we adopt a biblical perspective on influencing others or we will unwittingly adopt the world’s view of authority. In the world, the aim is to be in control of the situation and motivate others to act in ways that bring about the hoped-for end. The Bible’s paradigm is completely different. Instead of using others for our purposes, we are called to love others, to serve them, and to put their needs above our own. There is a trait Christ-like leaders must have to do this which we don’t often associate with authority: self-control.
The term is a bit deceiving. Self-control seems to imply a quality of will that allows us to govern our actions, emotions, and desires, and there is certainly a sense in which that is true. However, the biblical authors make an important distinction between this attribute and simply self-generated restraint. One very helpful text is Galatians 5:22-23, where Paul describes the fruit of the Spirit. Throughout the letter, Paul urges his readers not to accept the lie that they needed to add adherence to the Mosaic Law to their true professions of faith in Christ in order to be saved. In Chapter 5, he reminds them that they were called to freedom and as free Christ-followers, they are to live their lives by the guiding power of the Holy Spirit. Paul draws a stark contrast between the works of the flesh and the fruit of the Spirit. The final aspect of the fruit we all can display is self-control. That means if you are a Christ-follower, you can exercise self-control in your thoughts, words, and actions — and you will to the degree that you submit your life to the authority of the Spirit. Clearly, self-control is necessary for Christ-honoring leadership.
To flesh out this ideal, imagine a fellow believer tells you he’s trying to build a relationship with his neighbors so that he might enjoy their friendship and, as God provides the opportunity, share the gospel with them. Even though your relationship with this brother is only casual, you know that he often displays a quick, harsh temper with his children, and he frequently complains about petty issues, sometimes loudly. How do you think his uncontrolled behavior might impact his good desire to neighbor well?
On the other hand, let’s say that you, also aware of the need to neighbor well, are seeking to follow Christ’s example of restraint He evidenced at His unjust trials on the night He was arrested. Even if the family living next door doesn’t exactly paint a picture of kindness and courtesy, how might walking in Spirit-given self-control set the stage for meaningful relationships that could, in God’s timing, lead to gospel conversations? I suggest that even if your neighbors reject your offers of friendship, your continual Christ-like attitudes and actions will tell a truer story about the gospel. If these people never seem to respond, others who are watching may benefit, and certainly, Jesus will be glorified.
“Most of us don’t actually need convincing that self-control is both a gift of God and a necessary element of our character. What we do need is guidance on how to grow in this quality.”
Perhaps a good first step is reading and meditating on Galatians 5:16-24. Another very helpful text is Romans 8, which powerfully teaches us how the Holy Spirit works in the lives of His children. And pray continually. Ask God to teach you by His Spirit how you can walk in the fruit He has already equipped you with so you can exercise self-control in every relationship. You have been called to influence others for the gospel. By your self-controlled life, tell them a true story of God’s love, kindness, and grace.