Biblical Counseling from the Pews: Members Counseling Other Members
Written by Wagner Floriani | Director of Grace Counseling
Counseling is a loaded term. Depending on your experiences, the term can feel cold and clinical, like something that reminds you of a bad visit to the dentist. Perhaps you’re familiar with this statement: “Certainly, counseling can be good for some people. But I would never have any use for it.” However, in its simplest form, counseling is simply what happens when you give and receive advice from someone else. Biblical counseling, in turn, is that ministry of the church taking place every time a Christ-follower encourages, exhorts, or comforts another brother or sister in Christ with the truth of God’s word (1 Thess. 4:14; Heb. 3:13). In this sense, Biblical counseling and the church’s overall strategy for discipleship are closely related. Counseling happens every time a church member seeks to do spiritual good to another church member. Counseling is part of the organic ministry of discipleship in the local church.
Nevertheless, there are seasons of life for every believer where it seems that the primary, natural, and organic means of discipleship in the church no longer seem to be working. My good friend Lucas Sabatier Leite explained this experience through the metaphor “the river of discipleship.” A healthy church creates a consistent stream where members experience ongoing discipleship for their progress in the Christian life. In this metaphor, every church member is like a small little boat floating down a river. As they receive the organic and natural discipleship ministries from their church, they inch closer toward the destination of being “conformed to the image of [Christ]” (Rom. 8:29). But there are occasions where a boat may get stuck behind a rock, be sidelined toward shore, or even be at risk of shipwreck, keeping them from the direction they need to go. It is the responsibility of other boats/members to redirect their own steering, coming alongside those requiring special attention, so that they too, may return to the natural rhythm and health found in the river of discipleship. Paul reminds us that, “when one member suffers, all [the whole body] suffers together” (1 Cor. 12:26). Formal and deliberate biblical counseling is that discipleship effort when church members lean in support of other members who are struggling to return to where they know they need to be.
Biblical counseling is a Christ-centered, remedial, interpersonal discipleship ministry. It provides practical support in applying biblical truth, according to the ministry of the Holy Spirit, directly to someone’s behaviors and situations. This ministry aims to engage with an individual’s experiences through biblically informed wisdom and guidance, while also desiring to offer a loving and safe context where church members can receive meaningful care from their church family (Gal. 6:1-3).
“The goal of biblical counseling is not merely to help individuals out of difficult circumstances or adjust their behaviors, although certainly desiring these outcomes as well. Rather, the chief goal is always to come alongside others so that they may grow as Christ-followers, especially during the most trying seasons of life.”
As instructed by Ephesians 5:1-2, “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” Biblical counseling desires to motivate and encourage Christlikeness during the unique seasons brought about by trials and suffering.
Church members accomplish this interpersonal avenue of ministry by teaching and modeling four fundamental biblical truths: God cares for his own, He has purposes for our suffering, He uses his people to grow one another, and His promises are always better than our plans.
1. Believers share in the confident hope that everything in life is under the providential care of a sovereign God. This sovereign God is not distant, however. He has drawn near and spoken authoritatively and sufficiently in Scripture in order to address all the issues of life. During periods that are perplexing and disorienting, believers can find significant encouragement and direction when acknowledging and submitting to Scripture’s claims about the world and their circumstances. The Bible offers lenses to understand the present in light of God’s point of view. These lenses are the Christian’s resource to experience, and even see, the care of God in their life. We must joyfully affirm the summary of 2 Timothy 3:16-17, “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.” Therefore, church members care for one another by turning to the truths of Scripture, modeling dependence and trust in the God who cares for us through his Word (cf. Isa. 45:9–19; Rom. 8:18–39; 2 Pet. 1:3-11; John 17:17).
2. However, we recognize that challenges in life are not exclusively problems to solve but opportunities to grow in maturity. Our suffering offers us the space to cultivate a fresh perspective about life, as well as creates opportunity to live out our in-Christ identity more concretely. We are reminded in James 1:12 that it is perseverance under trial, not resolution of our trials, that marks the truly blessed man. The Christian is the only person on the planet who can confidently affirm that God is up to something good during circumstances and events that are not good. Therefore, church members walk together during trials and challenges, knowing the unique opportunity afforded to mature during difficult seasons of life — and even extend a measure of relief when bearing each other’s burdens (cf. Mark 7:14-23; Luke 6:43-45; Heb. 4:12-13; Rom. 11:36; Jas. 1:13-15; Titus 2:11-13).
3. Therefore, in counseling, we desire to exercise compassion and empathy for others in need as mutual strugglers in need of God’s grace. There are always two people in need of change during counseling: the counselor and the counselee. So, we need discernment when caring for one another. We strive to recognize important distinctions between personal sin and human suffering so that we can apply God’s Word with lovingkindness and hope to everyone. At times, this need for wisdom might even result in a counselor and counselee identifying another person in the church body who would be better suited and gifted to navigate the unique challenges at hand.
“We must never forget: the Scriptures are sufficient we are not. So, as a church family and not as mere individuals, we aspire to offer gospel ministry while simultaneously standing on the receiving end of ministry from others.”
After all, Paul’s personal ministry banner is for all Christians: “[Christ] we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ” (Col. 1:28). (cf. Col. 3:16-17; 1 Thess. 2:1-16).
4. Lastly, we acknowledge that humanity was designed to worship. God made us for himself, and belonging to him is everlasting freedom. Matthew 6:33 even commands us to, “seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Therefore, in counseling, we remember that seeking first the Kingdom of God – his plans, purposes, and agenda – is always better than pursuing our own little kingdoms. Attempting to live life subject to my own sense of good judgment is a risky business. Navigating my suffering apart from submission and trust in God is like skydiving without a parachute. The experience and promise of momentary relief from all that may plague our lives is certainly desirable, but we must also recognize that a sovereign God stands in the pathway of all that happens to his own. And He only has good plans for his people. Helping others trust in that reality with confidence is the privilege of the Christ-follower. Therefore, the end goal of biblical counseling is always to make and multiply Christ-followers that magnify the glory of God, even in their suffering (cf. Matt. 5:1-11; Gal. 5:22-23; Heb. 11:26; Rom. 1:16-32).